Beckett Darrell Phillips was born October 8 at 5:39 pm. He weighed in at 7 lbs 7 oz and 19 1/2 inches.
Since I was scheduled for a repeat csection. That day was full of nerves. I really relished in my last day of it just being me and LM. We did a lot of snuggling. When the time came to take him to grandmas I had a very hard time leaving. Because I knew it would no longer just be he and I. But I was so excited for the new adventure we were embarking on.
We arrived at the hospital an hour earlier then we were suppose to. Oops. I'll blame that on pregnancy brain. It gave us time for one last belly shot. Then time to calm my nerves.
Once they took me back we had about two hours before my appointment time. This gave them time to get me dressed. Get my IV started. Then go over everything with me. My nerves really started to get to me and my blood pressure started to get really high. I started having contractions. Which really started to hurt. So it was a good thing I was at the hospital! They got my all hooked up and then it was just time to wait. They had the anesthesiologist come in and talk with me. I got even more nervous and had a very uncomfortable feeling. More on that later. Then we waited some more. It got to be 4:50 and I still had yet to see my doctor. Which made me nervous. They can't take you back to prep you till your doctor checks on you. But right on cue he walked through the door. I was instantly at peace. I would trust him no matter what was going on. He was an amazing doctor. He spoke with us and then told the nurse it was time.
The hospital underwent a complete remodel since I had LM. So the walk was very quick to the OR. Once inside I was greeted by a rush of cold air. My nerves really started to kick in. This was the moment I had been dreading my whole pregnancy. The spinal. With LM it was quick. First attempt and he was done. This was not the case. After 14 attempts, yes you read that right, I was finally numb. Each attempt he would hit bone. I had amazing nurses who tried to help me through it. They held me as I cried in pain. Reassured me that it was going to be ok. Told me I was doing everything I was asked of. It just wasn't going right. After the sixth attempt my doctor left the room. A half hour after starting I was finally numb.
This time was different from LM. I felt as if my legs were asleep. Not numb but asleep. Which made me start to panic. Ben was not in the room yet. It was just me and the staff. They put the blue divider up and this is where things went from bad to worse for me. I immediately started to have a panic attack. I have never had one this bad before. I began thrashing on the table. Yelling I was "done". I didn't want to do it. I changed my mind. Finally Ben was able to start to calm me down. But my body was not done. I started to feel like I was going to throw up. Let's just say my body won. Then squeaks was out and I was able to relax. Looking at him for the first time calmed me down enough to get to the end of the surgery. They wrapped him up and handed him to Ben. He looked so much like LM. I was so in love again. Once I was done and moved over to the transport they handed me squeaks. It was amazing to get to hold him so quickly. With LM it was almost two hours before I got to hold him. Squeaks never really left my side. Which is what I needed.
Once we made it to recovery they told me I would get to do skin to skin. Squeaks had other ideas. He was ready to eat. While I'm recovery her ate on both sides. For almost the entire time. Only stopping when it was time for his bath. Which he hated! I think all babies do. But once he was all cleaned up he was ready for more.
Then it was time to move me to my room. I swear because of the remodel it took forever. They had to keep using different elevators because there wasn't one in use that went to where my room was. Once in my room it was time to transfer to my bed. I had yet to try and move my legs because with LM it took forever to get feeling back. They asked if I could use my arms to transfer myself to my bed. I felt great, so I said " Of course!". Well to be sure one of the nurses asked if I could move my feet. She had rested her hand on my legs. My legs started to move, so in my mind I thought she moved them. I thought there was no way I could already be able to move. Well I did. She laughed and said " I guess you can." To which I responded " wait that was me? Oh yay!" I completely took her by surprise. I don't think she had ever seen anyone so happy that they moved their legs. We all ended up in a laughing fit. Once we were finished they helped as I moved myself onto my bed. Got me cleaned up and settled. I started to have really bad hot flashes so they had to put cold towels on me to cool me down. Once my nurse felt comfortable that I was ok, LM and my parents were allowed back.
LM was so excited to see his brother that my parents got to the hospital sooner then expected. But that gave them time to talk with him about everything he was going to see. When the nurse gave the ok they headed up. I heard a knock at the door and LM entered. He instantly looked so big compared to the tiny newborn I was holding. He was so happy to see that I was ok. He then got to see his brother for the first time. He was very unsure, but not scared. Just uncertain. Cue his big brother gift. Before I had squeaks, LM began to really get into super heroes. So I decided to get him a cape. I'm preparation for getting a new brother I told him how he would have to be a super hero and help mommy with brother. So getting the cape just made it all real. He loved running around the room with it on. Then he gently climbed into bed with me so he could hold brother. He was very unsure. He was so gentle. We were able to get a few photos and then he was done. My parents held squeaks and then left.
Squeaks got his nickname the first night. He would make these adorable little squeaks each time he would stretch. So his nickname was an easy one to come by. My hospital stay was pretty smooth. I was there the full length of time I could be after a c section. I made sure to get a milkshake with almost every meal. Superior dairy ice cream! They were so good. Ben was able to stay with me the entire time. Which was so helpful when I needed to get out of bed. We were able to watch a lot of movies together and just enjoy our little squeaks. LM came to visit at least two times a day. At least once a day he would go walk the halls with just Ben and I. My parents would hold squeaks. I personally thunk that made the transition so much easier for LM. Because from the beginning we made time for just him. We had so many loved ones visit which was nice. Because this time I wanted to talk to people. I so wanted to be social.
I am so grateful that everything turned out like it did. I am so in love with my squeaks. My heart feels whole with him in my life. Our family feels complete. We all enjoy having him around so much. LM is completely in love with his brother. We are extremely happy.
Be the best mommy you can be.
