Friday, May 9, 2014

What I want.

With Mother's Day being this weekend it has made me think a lot about the kind of mother I am. I have been given the most precious gift. My son. Plus, another baby on the way. There are times when I feel inadequate. I feel like I could never teach him all he needs to know. That I'm not giving him all he needs. Which as a mother can be one of your biggest fears. In the pat few weeks I have seen him grow into a young boy. No longer the baby I rocked to sleep. He is independent. He knows how to ask for things. He can figure out how to fix something. He is no longer the little baby I did everything for. I am ok with that. I have raised an amazing young boy. 

There are moments with him that to me are the "pay off" moments. These are the moments that take my breath away. That make me feel like all the hardwork I am putting in is worth it. They are moments that he does something that I didn't think he realized the importance of. 

A few weeks ago Ben was out of town for business. I had mutual so I took little man with me. He sat and played quietly with me, until one of the big boys came over to play with him. He then played and ran around with him the rest of the activity. When it came time to say the closing prayers he was at the opposite side of the room. I looked over to see he had knelt down and folded his arms for prayer. He sat there quietly through the whole thing, and gently said "amen" at the end. This was one of my moments that took my breath away. I immediately started to cry. To me that was proof that he was listening and learning. Even when I thought my efforts at having a nice family prayer were so difficult. He amazed me by knowing what to do, even without be asked. 

Another one of these moments came just a few nights ago. I was laying on the couch and he brought me my water. So using that as a teaching moment, I said "thank you so much for thinking of me". To which he responded "it was my pleasure." I have no idea where he learned that from, but it was so adorable in his toddler voice. I just picked him up and gave him a big hug and kiss. It proved to me that even though I feel at times like I am not doing all I should, I am doing enough. 

I have been blessed with an amazingly sweet, caring, and polite young man. He is always willing to help. He is always learning. Even when I think there is no way he could, he does. Because even though I may feel like I am failing, he shows me that I am doing enough with his actions.

He is going to be the best big brother. I can not wait to see how much he loves his little sibling. Though I am nervous I will fail him when this new one comes a long I know I have given him the best parts of me I have to offer. 

As Mother's Day was approaching I of course thought of what I wanted as a gift. Then a thought entered my mind, which made me rethink all that I wanted. I no longer want a gift. I have been given two of the greatest gifts I could have ever asked for, my children. I will be spending my Mother's Day feeling one move around inside me, and one snuggling me on the couch. "I already have more than I deserve. I have a life, that's good." I have one perfect son. One perfect husband. One perfect baby to me. To me I am so blessed I could not ask for anything that would make me happier than them. 

Happy Mother's Day to all you mommies out there. Hug your children extra tight. You have been given an amazing blessing. Know that you are doing enough.

Be the best mommy you can be.

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