Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Do you agree?

I have been sitting here trying to decide how to approach this topic. This is one subject that is very emotional for me. It has caused a lot of tears and resentment. What could I possibly be talking about? Mommy wars. What do I mean by this? Let me give you an example.

Imagine being completely lost and asking for help. You turn to friends on social media or even other friends. To then be told that what you believe or what you are doing isn't correct. Your heart sinks because you already were unsure with the situation. To then be told your fears are correct. It can be so heartbreaking. 

I am not saying to not try and help that friend out. Or that you shouldn't say what you feel. Because that's what they are asking for. Plus I don't feel you should have to think about if what you have to add is going to hurt your friends feelings. BUT I do believe that you should think about what she is really asking. Speaking from experience many times when I post things on Facebook all I am really looking for is support. There have been times when people have made comments that hurt. I have the power and can either brush it off or let it hurt me. But at times when you can't figure out what's wrong and you just need to know that someone is thinking of you  and sending good thoughts your way. Those comments can make you feel so small.

There have been many times that I have been on Facebook and I see such a post. Say a mother is having a problem with getting her child to sleep through the night. She lists all the things she has tried, the times she is trying to put them down, and the routines she is trying. To then have someone post things such as: "Why are you putting them down so late? No wonder they won't sleep." Or " You have to let them cry it out. They won't go to sleep if you continually go in to calm them down.". All things I have seen. Both have their merits. But every mom is different. Some moms know when it is bed time that their child will just have to cry it out until they fall asleep. Some moms snuggle their child until they fall asleep. Some sleep with their children. Some let them cry and do check ins. Guess what? There is NOTHING wrong with any of these methods. They are all good options. You just have to decide which option is best for you and your child. Can I please just ask one thing? Just because it works for you and your child does NOT mean it works for every child. Can we please just be supportive, and understand that what works for our child may not work for anothers child. 

Let's strive to be positive. To never try and put another mommy down. To only be POSITIVE when we comment on another mommies post. There will come a day when you will be in the situation that you will need to ask for help. Remember that what ever you put out there will come back to you. I am personally tired of these mommy wars. My heart breaks every time I see it happen. Please be aware that every woman has a different view on what being a mommy is. Keep that in mind. Try not to post things that could be taken negatively or as an attack. Like I mentioned before we are all responsible for how we let something affect us. But we also have the responsibility of raising up those we love and care about. 

These are my rules.
For commenting:
If you have nothing positive to add then keep scrolling.
Think of if it is helping or hurting.
Always try to raise another mommy up.
Be aware that we all parent differently.

For reading the comments:
They are trying to help.
You are the only one who knows what works and doesn't for your child.
Don't think of it as a personal attack. 
Be open to new ideas.

As always my purpose in this post is to put out there the things that are important to me. Things that I would love to see changed. I in no way want to hurt or tear down any mommy. I am a huge advocate for supporting each and every mommy. Being a mom is hard enough. We don't need added stress. Think of how amazing you would feel if you were only told positive things and not negative things. There will always be times for advice. Let's strive to be as positive as possible when these times come up. Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. Let's end these mommy wars. I know it won't be easy, but I have had enough! 

Be the best mommy you can be!


  1. Most of the time when people post questions of Facebook, they are looking for either help or support. So we either need to be helpful or supportive. For Example, it kills me to let a baby cry it out, it just hurts my heart. I want to go pick them up and rock them to sleep. So what if it spoils them, I have to handle that, not the person telling me that it is wrong. Riley slept with us until she was 14 monthes old and wanted to sleep in her own bed. Sariah likes to sleep in her own bed. Every child and every mother is different. People need to respect that and deal.
    As you say, we can only be the best mommy that we can be. And for our children, that works.

  2. It is so true. Hunter slept with us until he was a year old. I can't stand listening to him cry. So crying it out was not an option for me.